CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN

US, 2003, 98 minutes, Colour.
Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt, Piper Perabo, Tom Welling, Hilary Duff, Ashton Kutcher, Richard Jenkins, Wayne Knight.
Directed by Shawn Levy.

Way back when, in 1950, there was an entertaining comedy about a time and efficiency expert and his author wife and their twelve children. It was called Cheaper by the Dozen. Clifton Webb was the somewhat stern father, Myrna Loy the mother and, while the children did get up to some mischief, it seemed quiet enough by today's standards. This remake says that it is based on the original novel but it is very much a product of today's standards - or lack of them.

Steve Martin is a football coach who is offered a job at his alma mater. Bonnie Hunt is publishing her book. The children, some of the most obnoxious to hit the screen for some time, are a whingeing lot, thinking only of themselves and with more than a mean streak in dealing with those they don't like (including at times their parents). They do not want to move and have not a skerrick of feeling for their parents hopes. How such parents could have let this lot of children develop into a rampaging horde is the film's greatest mystery.

Non- Americans may well be aghast at the presumptions of American children that they can assert themselves, do what they like and ride roughshod over those they don't agree with.

Well, it was only a holiday movie for the family. But...

1. The original film, the 50s? The well-behaved family? Ups and downs? The nuclear family? Father as a time-efficiency expert, mother as an author? The updating to the 21st century, father and his life in a mess, mother writing the book, the cantankerous children?

2. The slapstick comedy, the comedy about family - particularly American? The father and his ambitions, dithering, not disciplining his children? The mother and her presence, love for her children - even though they were so often unlovable? The children themselves, mean, boisterous, violent, self-absorbed? Not allowing their parents a life, thinking only of themselves? The aggressive Americans thinking they can do what they like, dominating everyone? Comic or not?

3. The country town, the university, the home? The transition to Chicago, the bigger home, the homes in the street? The university, the football arena, the changing rooms? The book publishers in New York City, television and interviews? The contemporary world? The musical score, the range of songs? The family singing, the comments on their behaviour?

4. The title, Cheaper by the Dozen, the Baker family and a baker's dozen? The film's comment on large families, the criticism of large families, the love in large families, the need for logistics, for discipline, for love? The place of the older children and their responsibility, the younger children, the mischief-makers, the fat child, the child who was out of place and the loner (and called FedEx? because he seems to have been delivered from outside the family)? The film's advocacy of family love above all else?

5. The focus on Tom and Kate: their life together, their memories of meeting, the photos, their stories? Tom and his coaching, the birth of the children, their continuing to come? Managing with them all? Not managing? Kate writing the book, theories about bringing up children? The publication of her book (rather rapid)? The book tour and the interviews? Tom at home, and the lack of management of the children? His fulfilling his ambition to go to Chicago, the criticisms of the bosses, of the media? Losing the games, having the footballers at home to coach them? Kate returning home, the Oprah show and its failure? Having to make decisions, moving away, family above all else? The portrait of Tom and Steve Martin's comic style? Bonnie Hunt and her television image, the good mother?

6. The older children: Norah, her relationship with Hank, his self-preoccupation, his television commercial, his being the victim of the children's pranks, in the pond, his underwear in the meat, the dogs chasing him? His coming to the house, Norah and her options for the children? Family support, coming to mind them, an example of moving out of home? Charlie, his not wanting to move, his girlfriend, his being mocked at school as a hick, the corn in the locker, the car, the football team and his being sacked, his going to visit his girlfriend? His confrontation with his father, his later apology? Lorraine, her vanity, fashion, getting the best, yet being supportive?

7. The younger children, Mark and his isolation, the frog, glasses, being called Fed Ex, mayhem wherever he went? The death of his frog, running away from home, the train, Tom finding him, the burial of the frog and the family together? Sara and her being the mastermind, mischief-maker, mean? The other children and their behaviour, causing uproar?

8. The neighbours, Dylan and his being protected by his prissy mother, the father's reaction against all this? The birthday party, the snake and mayhem? Dylan and his father joining in the search for Mark?

9. Sheikh (Shake?) the authorities at the university, his career compared with that of Tom, his giving Tom the job, the demands, the press conferences, the media's criticism, the ultimatum, Tom handing in his resignation? Walking along the football pitch, the family there with the notice to say that they loved him?

10. The world of the booksellers, the interviews, Diane and her support of Kate, Kate and her anxieties, the phone calls, Sara ringing on the air?

11. The football team, coming to the house, the training, the matches?

12. A family comedy - but the image of the American family at the beginning of the 21st century?