THE THREE MUSKETEERS

US, 2011, 110 minutes, Colour
Matthew Mac Fadyen, Ray Stevenson, Luke Evans, Logan Lerman, Milla Jovovich, Orlando Bloom, Christoph Waltz, Mads Mikkelsen, Til Schweiger, Dexter Fletcher, Freddie Fox, Juno Temple, Gabriella Wilde.
Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson.

One of the most filmed books of all time. Ritz Brothers in the 1930s, Gene Kelly and co in the 1940s, Oliver Reed and the spectaculars of the 1970s, Kiefer Sutherland and the younger brigade in the 1990s, and now a mixum-gatherum of international actors for a 3D version with period design and Matrix-like effects, let alone Leonardo da Vinci inspired airships!

Truth to tell, it’s all more than a bit silly. But, audiences who want a touch of colourful escapism and are not too discriminating may find it a hoot. After all, there are probably few claims that Dumas’ novel is top French literature. So, why not adapt it to the tastes (and even gimmicks) of a later generation?

It certainly is good to look at. Filmed in Bavaria in some castles (with very ornate interiors) to stand in for Versailles, it has costumes to match (and discussions about trendy colours as well). The court of Louis XIV looks quite sumptuous as do the dresses for Milady. The airships look impressive as well, though the engineering for them boggles the imagination, not just the huge exteriors but the spacious interiors as well. And we get time to gaze at two of them as they do battle over Paris and finish up on top of each other on the roof of Notre Dame Cathedral (which gives the occasion for D’ Artagnan to have a sword fight with Rochefort on the thin peak of the gables and the battlements, even to hanging from a gargoyle). It is that kind of film – and even more so, with some martial arts choreography and slow motion a la Matrix. And then one airship crash lands in the gardens of Versailles just in time to get the queen’s necklace around her neck for Louis (portrayed as a gawky teenager by Edward Fox’s son, Freddie).

This should not be surprising since the film is directed by Paul W. Anderson who has made films of video games but is best known for the Resident Evil series. So, Dumas meets Resident Evil. This is more the case since Milla Jovovich who enjoys herself, her gowns and her stuntwork as Milady, is now Mrs Anderson.

It is not so good to listen to. There is the usual, irritating, mix of accents, from accented (Christoph Walts is Richelieu, Mads Mickelsen is Rochefort, Orlando Bloom is Buckingham, Til Schweiger is Cagliostro, Juno Temple is the Queen – and that is German, Danish and British). While Matthew Mac Fadyen is resonant British as Athos, Logan Lerman, who was born in Beverly Hills, LA, sounds it as a too young, too unwarrantedly arrogant and haughty D’ Artagnan). And there are lots of anachronistic bits of dialogue, many of them intentional, ‘are you kidding?’, ‘sexy’, ‘is your hair retro?’.

Perhaps the next Three Musketeers will be better – probably!

1. The popularity of Dumas’ story, the various versions? This film in the tradition? Different? 21st century?

2. The work of the director, his interest in graphic novels, resident evil? Martial arts and computer games? The influence in this film? The stunt work?

3. The location photography, Bavaria for France? Versailles and the gardens? Notre Dame Cathedral? England? France? The interiors, especially of the palaces? The musical score?

4. The stunts, the swordfighting? On the roof of Notre Dame? The special effects? The airships? Flight, battles?

5. The three musketeers, the introduction to each of them, Athos emerging like the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Aramis and his priestly background, seduction? Porthos and his strength, as a prisoner, deceiving his captors, escaping? Their gathering together? The capture of the keys? With Milady de Winter? Her betrayal of them? Their humiliation? Down on their luck?

6. Milady de Winter, her glamour, collaborating with the musketeers? The dangers, her running through the maze, unscathed? The keys? Giving them to Buckingham? The betrayal? Her encounter with D’ Artagnan in the village? Her getting the queen’s necklace? The escape to England? With Buckingham? On the airship? Her being thrown out – and surviving?

7. D’ Artagnan, his life in the village, with his parents? His father and the past with the musketeers? His training? His presumption? Going to Paris, the farewell from the parents? The challenge to Rochefort? His ignorance of Rochefort? The fight, the demand for the apology to the horse? Milady passing? His getting to Paris, clashing with each of the musketeers, his effrontery? The appointments? The duels? His joining with the musketeers? His training with them?

8. The Duke of Buckingham, England, the past relationship with the queen? Spying, the airships? His attack on France? His defeat?

9. The King of France, young, immature? The arranged marriage? The background of the queen? The king’s devotion to her? His believing Richelieu? His being manipulated? The issue of the necklace, his demand that the queen wear it? His happiness at the end when he saw it? The possibilities for the future Louis XIV?

10. Constance, her noticing D’ Artagnan? The infatuation? Her later helping him, her capture, the release? The happy ending?

11. Richelieu, his personality, his plans, dealing with Milady, the letter exonerating her of blame? His manipulation of the king? Rochefort and his squad? The clash with the musketeers? External diplomacy? The final comeuppance, his letter being produced? His admitting defeat?

12. Rochefort, the guards, his arrogance, the clash with D’ Artagnan? The intervention of Milady? In Paris, with Richelieu? The airship? The crash on Notre Dame? His fight with D’ Artagnan? Falling to his death?

13. D’ Artagnan, young and immature, the plan to rescue the queen’s necklace? His disguise as Constance? The musketeers and their getting to England? The plan, the infiltration? His being the decoy? The confrontation with Buckingham? The derring-do and the airship, Constance and her being taken? The fight with Rochefort? Landing at Versailles? Mission accomplished?

14. The da Vinci background, the plans for the airship, their being found by the musketeers, taken to England? The building of the ships? Flying, crashing, the crash-landing in Versailles?

15. The background to the French court, politics, the maps and the figures, illustrating the power struggles in Europe? The contribution of the musketeers? The future rein of Louis XIV?