BATTLESHIP

US, 2012, 131 minutes, Colour.
Taylor Kitsch, Liam Neeson, Brooklyn Decker, Alexander Skarsgard, Rihanna, Jesse Plemons, Peter Mac Nicol, Hamish Linklater.
Directed by Peter Berg.

Something like a cross between Pearl Harbour and The Transformers series. Which means that director, Michael Bay, might be a bit envious of this action and boom (many booms) spectacle that is set in Hawaii and has Aliens and Alien space vehicles that transform at will. Actually, the Hasbro company is responsible for Transformers and its merchandise as well as for the board game Battleship and the new merchandise.

It all starts off very Americanly, scenes in a bar, a stupid attempt at heroism for a beautiful blonde who wants a take away burrito. Then we have a soccer game in which our hero gets kicked in the mouth and loses a penalty goal, Japan beating the US as they gather for naval exercises in Pearl Harbour. Another brawl and the hero losing his opportunity to ask the blonde’s father for her hand. And he is the admiral.

There is also information given about signals and satellites, attempting communication with Planet G which seems to have similar atmosphere to earth’s. There is a geeky scientist there who controls the communication.

Before you can say USS Missouri (which also features in this film), there is not only communication from Planet G, but huge vehicles land in the Pacific interrupting the naval games, but one lands on Hong Kong – quite a spectacular demolition of the city. Soon Honolulu gets something of the same treatment, especially by giant rotating, knife wielding fireballs.

When the aliens have almost a 99% upper hand, we are wondering who is going to save the world and how. Needless to say, it is our hero, Alex Hopper, played by Taylor Kitsch, more amenable here than as John Carter on Mars. His main assistant is singer, Rihanna, in her first acting role, one of the boys, as it is said. We hear, ‘What the hell is that?’ many times and the dialogue tends to be variations on this.

Putting aside the 70 years memories of Pearl Harbour, and the Japanese bombings of the US navy, a Japanese expert works with Alex to bomb the aliens. By chance, one of the officers puts on an alien helmet and remembers that it is like exposing his pet lizard to the sun – yes, the aliens cannot see in the sun. In the meantime, the blonde who works on physical therapy with injured veterans, is on the mountain where the transmitters are. So, bomb the alien craft, blind the aliens and destroy the transmitting dishes. (With interventions from the Pentagon.)

And, of all things, the USS Missouri (analogue not digital) is put into service for the bombardment with the veterans who had gathered for the memorial going into action. In the final credits they are described as ‘old salts’.

Much of the film is literally explosive. It is also far-fetched – we hope. But, at the beginning and the end there are moments of gravity, because Liam Neeson is the Admiral. The world survives, medals are awarded and Alex has the opportunity to ask for the admiral’s daughter’s hand.

There is a minute or two after the credits which is set in Scotland – a tantalizing episode in case there is Battleship II. But, I was the only person in the cinema who saw it.


1. The origins of the film in a board game, by the Hasbro Company? The blend of Pearl Harbour and Transformers?

2. The big budget, spectacle? Hawaiian locations, the Pacific Ocean? The mountains? Honolulu? Navy, alien craft, the appearance of the aliens? Battles and explosions? Stunts? The musical score? A big film?

3. The title, the focus, the USS Missouri, the background of Pearl Harbour and the signing of the surrender in 1945? Memories, the ceremonies? The ‘old salts’? Seventy years later? The analogue setup of the Missouri compared with digital? Going into battle? The old crew with the younger crew?

4. Memories of Pearl Harbour, the naval exercises, the international nature, Japanese as well as Americans? The soccer competition, the Japanese brutality, Alex Hopper and his wanting to win? The rivalry? The eventual collaboration with Nagata? The heroics?

5. The comic-book style of the characters, situations, dialogue, heroics? Farfetched?

6. The initial information about Planet G, the scientists, the exploration of space? The visuals? The dishes? The headquarters, the Pentagon, the meetings and the experts?

7. Cal, his assistant, their being geeks, looking after the dishes in Hawaii, the way they were dressed, the crises, having to cope, the issue of courage, Cal and the encounter with the alien, the death of his assistant, hitting the alien with the machine, ultimately destroying the dishes?

8. Alex, in the bar, his brother, his birthday, the navy, his cake and the wish, seeing Sam, the issue of the burrito, not being attended to in the bar, going to the shop, being refused, getting in through the roof, the collapse, the police chase, the stun gun? Giving the burrito to Sam?

9. Time passing, the navy, Alex joining, the haircut, playing soccer, with his brother in the team, the Japanese antagonism, his missing the goal? The aftermath, the brawl in the toilet, the admiral and his attitude?

10. Sam, daughter of the admiral, in love with Alex, urging him to ask permission, his not doing it – the brawl instead?

11. The naval exercises, the admiral and his speech, the international collaboration?

12. The destroyers, their crews, Alex’s brother in charge, Alex’s job, with Raikes, with Ordy? The other members of the crew?

13. Sam, physiotherapy, with the man on the mountain, being caught? The police? Their deaths?

14. The invasion, the craft’s landing in the Pacific, towering over the water? The visuals of the destruction of Hong Kong? Honolulu? The television news? The aliens and their destruction, scanning individuals? Wanting communications?

15. Alex, going in the boat, the investigation of the tower, touching it and being repelled? Caught? The bombardment? Returning to the craft, having to cope, the other ships and Stone Hopper’s vessel being destroyed? The setting up of the barrier?

16. The aliens in close-up, the craft, the Transformers? The individuals, their armour, helmets? Ordy and trying on the helmet? The eyes, not coping with the sun? Their desperate efforts at communications with their planet?

17. Alex, in charge, the crew, Raikes, Ordy and his story about the lizard, the realisation about the aliens and the sun? The investigation of the alien, its reviving? The fights?

18. The balls of fire, on the ship, on Honolulu, on the people and the freeways? The destruction?

19. Sam and her friend on the mountain, the police, their deaths, meeting Cal, the rescue, urging him to go in, getting the machine, the setup, the escape?

20. The Japanese adviser, his work, his skill in targeting, his device for measuring the depths and being able to place the bombs? Firing the bombs, missing?

21. The destruction of the ship, going onto the rafts? Meeting the old salts on the Missouri? The crew, making the ship work again, waiting for the sunrise, the destruction of the aliens – and firing on the dishes?

22. The aftermath, the admiral’s speeches, the awards, the posthumous award to Stone Hopper, the award for Alex? The issue of the proposal, the admiral saying no – jokily?

23. Apocalyptic scenarios – and American heroics? With some help from the Japanese?