PARENTAL GUIDANCE

US, 2012,
Billy Crystal, Bette Midler, Marisa Tomei, Tom Everett Scott, Bailee Madison.
Directed by Andy Fickman.

Parental Guidance is a strong recommendation taking valium. First of all, for the audience before it starts so that they can keep calm (and less irritated) as they watch. But, second, and most of all, for the cast in this often frantic, hyper-extroverted (American style), over-volumed picture of family life.

We had Clint Eastwood in Trouble with the Curve as an old codger who was deemed out of date in a computer-controlled world. But, he trusted tried and true experience over all the new-fangled stuff. Well, now Billy Crystal is a grandfather who is an on air baseball commentator who is fired because he has not kept up with social communications and does not have an app to his name. Like Eastwood in his film, Crystal has been something of a neglectful father and alienated his daughter.

The daughter, Alice (Marisa Tomei) is married to a high-concept inventor, Phil, (Tom Everett Scott). They are busy, busy, busy. Their house is fully automated (including personalized greetings as people enter and leave the house. And their regime is beyond New Age and politically correct as regards what they cannot eat, how they must study, no negative commands, no violent responses (use your words) – all rather strait-jacketed emotionally, not really communicating with their caring, over-caring, coddling parents. Which means that they are pretty obnoxious, willful, self-centred and imperious in their treatment of everyone. The five year old must be the most spoilt, completely unaware of others, doing what he likes no matter what, eager to accept a cash payoff, child we have seen on the screen.

The point is that Alice does not like her father and is edgy with her mother, (Bette Midler). Desperate, they ask Art and to mind their children for a week.

At high pitch, most things go wrong. The film is a catalog of disasters as the grandparents try or try to try to follow house rules. Needless to say, everything is going to be all right at the end, reconciliations all round, reminiscing over the past and expressing regrets. The children eat some cake. The daughter has a date. The middle boy stammers but learns to do commentary like Art. The screenplay indicates that that bratty five year old behaves better. Not sure about that.

It is always good to see Billy Cystal. And it is very good to see Bette Midler again. She hasn’t lost anything of her verve and ability to wisecrack.

There are quite a number of toilet jokes through the film – and one right at the end, which credit avoiders will miss, that it quite vulgar but funny, courtesy of Billy Crystal.

1. All the title? A family film? Parents? Grandparents? A film for children? The issue of guidance?

2. The strong cast, billy crystal and his comic style? Bette Midler and hers? The wisecracks, the jokes, the physical humor?

3. The 21st century family, automated, over-automated? Entry greetings? Everything electronic? The behavior of the parents? Controlling? Politically correct...?

4. The contrast with the grandparents, age and experience, old-fashioned ideas? Discipline? Sport and children? Loving them?

5. The situation for Alice and Phil? Phil S and an inventor? Their having to go to the conference? Wanting baby sitters? Phil's parents not available? Correct fils having to rely on Artie and Diane? Alice and her alienation from her father? Finding her mother overbearing? The phoning, the consent? Meeting her parents and bringing them home?

6. Alice, strict, uptight? Obsessive? Phil more relaxed, going along with Alice? Their leaving, in the car, returning, checking? The phone calls? Their dismayed at barker on the television, the return? The clash with her parents? Reprimanding them? Having to listen? A reconciliation with her father?

7. Artie and his love for Diane, the long marriage, wanting the grandchildren's love, not seeing their daughter?

8. Artie, his humor, baseball, and to ring, on air, the fans? Jean times? His being fired? His disappointment? His planning an interview and audition with national television? Diane, the weather girl of the past, her bold and brassy style?

9. The three children, harper and her age, prim, the rules? The boy who stammered, the ineffective class and a teacher? Barker, his age, precocious, undisciplined, talking to his unseen friend, Carl the kangaroo? The challenge to the grandparents?

10. The grandparents, learning the rules, making mistakes, the automated house, the humor? With each of the children? Harper, her age, problems, the date? The stuttering boy, Artie going to the class, criticizing the teacher, helping the boy to do baseball commentary as he did?

11. Diane, going out, the shopping, managing? Artie, minding barker, the author for the audition, his going, at the studio, his performance? Losing sight of barker, barker and the skateboards, urinating, on television? Artie trying to cope, excuses? Alice seen it and the return home?

12. Confrontations, discussions of rules, eating and healthy eating, the children trying cake and ice cream, the consequences? The parents having to relent? The grandparents modifying their views? Reconciliation?

13. American bratty children, hard to take for non-Americans? Loud and extroverted comedy?