DON'T GO NEAR THE WATER

US, 97, 107 minutes, Colour.
Glenn Ford, Gia Scala, Earl Holliman, Anne Francis, Keenan Wynn, Fred Clark, Eva Gabor, Russ Tamblyn, Jeff Richards, Mickey Shaughnessy, Mary Wickes, Jack Albertson.
Directed by Charles Walters.

Don’t Go Near the Water was a very popular film from 1957, given the MGM elaborate touch, with director Charles Waters, noted for so many musicals during the 1950s. It received Golden Globe nominations for the film and for Glenn Ford.

The screenplay is from a novel by William Brinkley, a memoir, but written by Dorothy Kingsley – interesting in its presentation of men gawping at women, seemingly very chauvinist for the time – but, raising the very interesting question at the end of the film as to whether the woman followed the man to his job or the man followed the woman to hers. In this one, he follows her.

Another interesting thing is that Mickey Shaughnessy plays a very rough and ready recruit who is chosen to be the figurehead for Navy public relations – but has a habit of swearing, with a buzz bleeping out every time he swears (frequently); and one wonders what the film makers had in mind for the word back in 1957!.There is an amusing supporting cast, Keenan Wynn doing his thing as the bumptious journalist, Eva Gabor as a glamorous journalist, Mary Wickes as a comic foil working at the desk, Anne Francis and Gia Scala providing beauty and glamour, Russ Tamblyn is a cheeky young ensign, Jeff Richards as a smart officer – but Fred Clark doing a variation on his usual performance but enjoying it as the sometimes slow-witted commander.

There were many films at this time in the same vein including Glenn Ford in Teahouse of the August Moon or Mr Roberts.

1. A popular film of 1957? Humorous recollections of World War II in the Pacific?

2. The Pacific Island, Navy headquarters, the village, the school? Inserted actions of warfare at sea? The musical score? The title song?

3. The strong cast, character actors at MGM at this time?

4. Memoirs of World War II, the humorous aspects? This film as an example of satire and parody?

5. The group on the island, public relations, the commander and his eccentricities, past work in accountancy, with the sextant – even getting it wrong, his slogans – Think Big, his relationship with the men, orders, the rules? His concern about image and public relationship, journalists? Fraternising? His being advised by his men, Siegel and his advice? The building of the officers club and the farcical comedy? The end and the announcement that the club would be available for everyone on the island?

6. The range of men, their jobs, public relations? Siegel in charge? His personality? Showing around the Congressmen, their bumptiousness, attracted to the teacher? His work with Adam Garratt, dating Alice, a pleasant go-between? The issue of the journalist, his presumptions, his laundry, the thousand dollar bill – and the bright idea of setting him up, the date, recording him, blackmail and his handing over the money? But his happily taking credit at the dedication of the school? The arrival of the journalist, attractive, on board with her, the Admiral? His falling in love with the teacher, the meetings, researching the questions, the gift of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, meeting her father, and admiring the chess pieces, the chess game, his disappointment at her involvement with the journalist? The announcement, the proposal? The important discussion about her moving to America or his staying? And the interesting solution in his staying?

7. The journalist, bumptious, his boss, puritanical, his articles, pressure for information, getting his laundry done, the thousand dollar note, wanting a date, Siegel deceiving him, the recording, handing over the money, the dedication of the school?

8. The other officers, working for the commander, his nickname, Ross, dates with Alice, Miss Aldrich talking about his wife? The ensign, young and cheeky, the laundry?

9. The teacher, attractive, with the children, the prim traditions of the island, her father, meeting with Siegel, the gift, the building of the school, her father and his education, chess, the proposal, the discussion about staying or going?

10. The recruit for PR, rough, tattoos, language and bleeps, his speech and the applause?

11. Mary Wickes and her comic touches as Jane at the office, and the Scotsman at the end with her?

12. Cheerful comedy – but firmly anchored in the past?