YOU HURT MY FEELINGS

US, 2023, 93 minutes, Colour.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tobias Menzies, Michaela Watkins, Arian Moayed, Owen Teague, Amber Tamblyn, David Cross, Zach Cherry, Latanya Richardson, Jeannie Berlin., Josh Pais.

Directed by Nicole Holofcener.

This is a small-budget comedy drama that will have an appeal to older audiences. And, it has the added attraction, and memories, of Julia Louis-Dreyfus and her presence long ago in Seinfeld as well as her sometimes caustic presence as Veep. It is engagingly written, humour, a lot of sardonic comments which we enjoy, some insights into human nature, not presented in a highly dramatic fashion but rather inviting us in to observe, to identify, to reflect.

The film was written and directed by Nicole Holofcener who, over the decades, has made a number of this kind of film (including a comedy/drama with Julia Louis-Dreyfus and James Gandolfini, Enough Said – which, perhaps, is a title variation on You Hurt My Feelings).

Given the title and that the central character, Beth, a writer and teacher played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus with strong reminders of her previous television personas, is the one who feels she has been hurt and the appeal is for us to identify with her. We do and we don’t. The title is very accusatory against the one who is alleged to have hurt feelings – in this case it is her husband whom she overhears commenting to a good friend that he really does not like his wife’s new book. In fact, he was trying to say that he would support her to the hilt even if the book didn’t appeal to him. That part she doesn’t overhear. And, on she goes, disdain, not talking to him, grudging acknowledgement of his presence… But, if the title had been something like “Prone to Being Hurt”, we might have been looking at her more critically, being on the side of her husband, Don (Tobias Menzies) who really loves her.

Which means then that we are party to Beth’s tantrums whether we like them or not. The screenplay does give a lot of time to Don himself. He is a therapist. And there are two very effective lots of client sequences, his patient and listening to an extraordinarily demanding and talking-over-each-other couple who have been coming to him for two years, finally dissatisfied that he has been no help and demanding a $33,000 refund from him! The other is a large man finding his brother and sister difficult especially in their seeming lack of concern about their ailing parent, he muttering under his breath after each session indicating it hasn’t helped, but finally getting a few leads. To balance this there is a genial older man who has been in therapy for quite a while, is now finishing and is grateful to Don for all his help.

And there are some supporting characters in the background which help in giving us more insight into Beth and her being hurt. First of all, there is her mother, played by veteran Jeannie Berlin, whom she takes to the doctor for examination, but is on the receiving end of mixed mode messages from her mother about her success or not. Then there is her sister, Sarah (Michaela Watkins) an artist and her husband, Mark (Arian Moayed), an actor who has been fired and has almost as many tantrums as Beth. Add to this there is Beth and Don’s son, Elliot (Owen Teague) who has been so supported by his mother, praising him for his studies, his swimming ability, that he feels (because he is not so good at studies nor swimming) that she has been setting him up to fail. There is a powerful kind of almost-therapy session when Eliot confronts his parents on these issues, and amazement to Beth, perhaps shocking her into a more realistic appreciation of the situation.

So, contemporary characters, some humorous and ironic dialogue, and analysis for hurting being hurt, and some therapy for the characters – as will as a bit of a therapy for us reflecting on how being hurt and, hopefully, acknowledging that we hurt others!

1. The title? Sensitivities, sensibilities, consequences of hurt feelings, resentment, need for reconciliation?
2. The work of the director, smaller scale films, focus on characters and interactions?
3. The title, the emphasis, the person being hurt, the audiences identification with Beth, overhearing Don’s statement about her novel? Her sense of betrayal? The consequences, hurt, resentment, isolation, not talking, ignoring, being petty, not listening to expectations and explanations, feeling wounded? Beth in herself, her relationship with her mother, her demanding mother, her mother’s statements about her success and not? The years and her relationship with Don, love for him, the severity of her reaction to overhearing him? Relationship with Elliot, his confronting her, her demands, praising him, raising expectations, preparing for disappointments about failure, his marks at school, his swimming, his writing? Beth and a relationship with her sister, her sister and her creativity, the conversations?
4. An alternative title, highlighting the person prone to being hurt, susceptibilities, ultra-sensitivity? The consequences for being hurt? Misunderstandings, the need for validation, the need for therapy?
5. Beth and her class, their stories, her praise, but their not having heard of her book while all had read the book by her rival? The students, their personalities, the reading out of their stories, Beth’s positive responses?
6. The picture of Don, his work as a therapist, the visit by the couple, their talking over each other, nagging, eventually turning on Don, demanding $33,000 refund? Therapy sessions with Jim, his muttering at the end of them, his relationship with his brother and sister, asking for help, Don and his eventually making suggestions? The therapy with the older man, over the years, the older man’s gratitude and appreciation, finishing his therapy? Don, professional, sympathetic, facilitator, putting up with the behaviour of his clients, their turning on him? His comment to Mark about Beth’s book? Is not understanding her reaction, his trying to cope, explanations? His feelings being hurt? The interactions with Elliot, Elly confronting his parents, Don and his explanations to Beth? The gradual mellowing? The story about the gifts of the leaf earings and the V-neck pullover? The tension at the anniversary dinner with Sarah and Mark, Beth walking out, going following, the discussion in the street? The reconciliation, the anniversary pullover and the anniversary dinner, the humour with the gifts – and offering the pullover to Elliot and the reasons for his refusal?
7. The client sequences, well-written, the arguments between the couple, Jim, his size, complaints, the older man and success?
8. Sarah, her work, art, clients, the client with the camera, dissatisfied? The exhibition? Sarah and Beth helping out with the charity, the customers, their clothes? The exhibition, Sarah and her art, her dissatisfaction with it, the camera client liking the peace and buying it? Mark, actor, his being fired, feelings being hurt, the way he was fired, the reaction of the others to hope to play would be a flop? His not wanting to act?
9. The reconciliation, Sarah and her sale, Mark and his performance, Josh Pais as himself as director, possibilities for the future?